American Chris Rock is responsible for some of the funniest bits of modern comedy. Though his output has been prolific and consistently amusing, few of his jokes have reached the bar he set for himself during his 1996 show Bring the Pain. This was Rock’s finest hour, his tour de force, his masterpiece. And even within that stunning display of writing and performance there’s gags and observations which are better than the brilliant rest. Here is one such bit:
“Niggers always want credit for some shit they’re supposed to do. They’ll brag about stuff a normal man just does. They’ll say something like, ‘Yeah, well, I take care of my kids.’ You’re supposed to, you dumb motherfucker. ‘I ain’t never been to jail.’ Whaddya want? A cookie? You’re not supposed to go to jail, you low-expectation-having motherfucker!”
Whilst much funnier when performed by the man himself, it still reads hilarious. And though I don’t pretend to fully understand or accept the observations being made about certain African-American males, I do have more than enough familiarity with the concept of the “low-expectation-having motherfucker”, for I am a fan of Celtic Football Club.
Now football fans, none more so than Celts, always need something to moan about. Just now the Hoops are on a modest run of positive domestic results and have clawed back what appeared only three weeks ago to be an unassailable lead held by their rivals Rangers. At half-time on October 15th it looked like manager Neil Lennon was for the sack as the Bhoys trailed 3-0 to Kilmarnock, but striker Anthony Stokes had other ideas; scored a couple of excellent goals, rescued a point and saved his gaffer’s job. Since then other players like James Forrest, Beram Kayal and Gary Hooper have lifted their games and pushed the Glasgow club on a path to progress. But though Celtic’s fortunes have improved, it’d be a lie to say everyone in the squad is pulling their weight. For there is an imposter within Celtic’s ranks – and his name is Georgios Samaras.
Now I should state that I once loved this man. On a good day he’s a graceful big athlete with the potential to be defensively unplayable. I spent the first three years of Samaras’ Celtic career telling others just how brilliant the giant Greek international could be, if only a manager persevered with him and he himself improved his decision making. For three long years my lofty opinion of Samaras was built on a hypothetical – that pending various factors he might in fact be wonderful. I waited and waited and waited but the big man kept failing to impress. This time last year I belatedly gave up the ghost and I reluctantly filed my hero under not fit for purpose. He chose this moment, January 2nd to be precise, to serve up his finest performance in the green and white hoops. Up front on his own Samaras lead Rangers’ slow defence a merry festive dance as he scored two goals away at Ibrox in a comfortable win. At the time it seemed such a display had been worth the wait. Looking back now it was little more than a false dawn.
Between that afternoon and the end of the season Samaras would contribute little more than missing a penalty at Ibrox on Easter Sunday. A penalty miss which ultimately cost Celtic the title. At the time excuses were made and Celtic fans in a predictably forgiving manner sought other reasons why Celtic came second in the league, but had Samaras once again beaten Allen McGregor from the spot on April 24th, 2011 Celtic would’ve been champions.
But football is a team sport, nobody wins or loses anything on their own. With this in mind Samaras would be given a fair chance to redeem himself. But in order to deserve that opportunity he would soon have to start delivering on a more regular basis. It’s now December and we Celtic fans are still waiting.
Bizarrely however the Scotch media and many Celtic fans are now starting to see Samaras’ situation completely differently. Six months into the Premier League season he has pitched in with one goal; a lame effort in an easy home win where St.Mirren’s ‘keeper should’ve done better. Such profligacy should surely earn a so called striker some time out with the first team squad, but for reasons beyond me Neil Lennon has decided to deploy the Greek as a left-winger. And here expectations of Samaras are so comically low people are now beginning to believe his fleeting involvement in matches is substantially aiding Celtic’s cause.
Last week on ESPN’s coverage his former manager Gordon Strachan insisted the man he brought to Celtic Park from Manchester City had never once let his manager or his team-mates down. Well to quote a manager who’s legacy shits all over Strachan’s; “Football is nothing without it’s fans”. Jock Stein was right and how many times has Samaras let us down? We fans, of course, are little more than cider swilling vermin in the eyes of Strachan – but he is wrong about this. As is the BBC’s Chick Young. I heard him on the radio last week suggesting that Samaras’ first 30 minutes against Atletico Madrid last Wednesday were his finest in a Celtic jersey. It doesn’t surprise me that Chick, a massive hun, has conveniently forgotten the afternoon Samaras tore his side to shreds. But beyond pointing out that Chick Young has little clue what he’s talking about, Samaras’ performance against the Spanish side was little more than competent.
The hyperbole currently washing over Georgios Samaras in waves continued after this weekend where he began the game away at Dundee United well, pushing down the wing and creating a chance which didn’t lead to a goal. He offered little more throughout the match as once again Celtic’s other players earned three points. Yet I keep hearing just how well Samaras is doing. It’s a lie, and no matter how much it is repeated it won’t become true until Samaras actually starts scoring and setting up goals. Until he does this he isn’t doing his job, except in the eyes of low-expectation-having motherfuckers.
Alas, Celtic Park has plenty of them.
